I'm going to have twins.  Elizabeth Victoria and Greyson Mitchell Hall.  

 Once I get married, can I still get drunk by myself, read bad romance novels and dance around to Lady Gaga?  My poor Zach has no clue what he's getting into!

Is it that once you hit  a certain age, your thoughts change so suddenly?  It seems to be sudden for me.  I am going to marry my best friend in 7 months, and while the wedding will be fun, I am not as enthusiastic as most brides.   I can explain that by saying that I am not enthusiastic about much, but I am so looking forward to be married that it drives me insane to think of the wait.  The newest development though would be my preoccupation with a repercussion of being married.  To be completely honest, I had never though seriously of kids.  Zach is adopted and my parents, happy as they are, had me too young.  All of a sudden though, children are on my mind.  Constantly.  I dream of the babies that we will have.  Twins run in my family, so I'm expecting that.  It is so weird though that this though has become so overwhelming.  I am only 25.  He is only 22.  Not old enough to worry about anything.  My career is not NEAR where I want.  Two years after we're married is what we have discussed lightly.  That will give me enough time to get through academy and off of probation.  I want detective.  My whole concern is that I wanted to be done by the time I was 30.  If I could just have twins by the time I was 29, our lives would be perfect.  Not sure what brought on this chain of though tonight, but it was alarming and amusing at the same time.  I wonder what he will think tomorrow.  I think that my impending 15th birthday, which I am dreading, is bringing all of this on.

Desperation.  That's what I feel.  Desperation.

 It's been so long since I've posted.  I don't even know where to start.  

I'm done.  I sat in a dentist office for three hours today and have to go back next week for another three hours.  2000 dollars spent trying to correct damage that I've done to myself.  My mouth and my wallet hurt so bad.  This is the wakeup call that I've been needing.  I'm going on seven years of this and it's going to be hard.  It starts today though.  I just had dinner and I'm having a fight with myself, but I can do it.  I have to.  Another thing that I'm scared of is that I'm going to trade one disease for another.  I drink too much as it is, and I'm scared that it's going to get worse.  I've started working out again with the a group of people at the PD so I'm hoping to lose the weight that I've recently gained in a healthy way.  I digress.

I dropped out of grad school.  I don't regret it for a second.  The program wasn't right for me and I didn't want to waste any more money.  I start the police academy next fall and then I can get my masters through TAMU for free.  That's a definate plus.  I just have to start running.

I'm waiting for Z to propose.  According to Little Sister, he has one.  Our parents already have our entire wedding planned and it's going to be a blast.  I always thought that I was going to have to pay for it, but when our parents met, they agreed to split it.  I can't believe how big it will be.  I was all for a small wedding, but ours will be so much fun.  Just waiting now. 

 So I either have food poisoning, od'd on diet pills, am having a heart attack or am going crazy.  Or all of the above.  I feel like shit.  Stomach is doing flips, chest hurts, muscles are sore and I'm kinda loopy.  Damn I love being this healthy.  If I start feeling worse, I'm going to go to the hospital.  Fun!

 My bank account is $666.00.  Is this a sign of the Apocalypse or just a sign that I am broke?  Only time will tell!

I just thought that was really funny. 

 I'm having such a bad day.  Period, PMS, cramping, grumpy, bloated, clothes don't fit properly, work was CRAZY, got yelled out over the radio at work, screwed up everything.  Ugh.  I need to get out of this mood.  I'm ready for Zach to get back from hunting.  I hate how much I miss him.

Today could be interesting.  I hope not.